I Still Love You
by blondebeautyanna
Summary: It happened. Anna and Bates are suffering tremendously. When the unimaginable happens, will they grow closer together or will their love be torn apart?
1. Chapter 1

** A/N Long time fanfic reader, first time fanfic writer! I hope you guys like it! Reviews are really appreciated. I will use scenes from the episodes in later chapters because it ties up very well with the subject.  
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**Chapter 1**

_Will you listen? I need your help, or I wouldn't have told you! Nobody else must ever know! You promise me?_

Mrs. Hughes couldn't get the words out of her head as she got the water-filled kettle ready to boil. This happened to her Anna. Her poor, sweet Anna. While the water was being warmed up, she got a dress, comb, towel, water basin, and underthings she carefully hid in the pile she had in her hands. Once the water was boiled, she brought everything back to her sitting room, to find Anna still crouched, shaking, and crying behind the hutch, in nothing but a robe she took from laundry, her dress and underthings were torn beyond compare. Mrs. Hughes locked the door so no one could come in.

"I've got you a dress and a comb. Now, let's get you cleaned up. The door is locked."

Anna nodded and stood up, still shaking, barely recognizable. Her face was disheveled with marks and bruises. Mrs. Hughes helped Anna out of the robe. Once the robe was off Anna, she could see the extent of what Mr. Green did to her. Anna just stood there, still shaking, sobbing.

"It's okay, Anna, it's okay. I'm here. I'll keep you safe. No one can hurt you now."

Anna sat in one of the chairs while Mrs. Hughes sponged down Anna's back. There was a large black-blue bruise between Anna's shoulder blades that Mrs. Hughes was careful to put very little pressure on. Even then, Anna winced at the pain.

"I'm sorry, Anna. I didn't mean to hurt you. Now, let's get the front of you cleaned up."

Mrs. Hughes moved so that she could face Anna. There was a very large black-blue bruise on Anna's left rib cage, a large red scratch on Anna's stomach, which was bleeding, and hand shaped marks/bruises on Anna's upper arms and upper inner thighs. The worst parts were the nail marks on Anna's breasts, where Mr. Green had ripped Anna's dress open to get to her, which were bleeding too. Her face was, fortunately, not as bad. Her bottom lip was cut, there was a large bleeding spot on the right side of her forehead, and other marks. Mrs. Hughes almost couldn't bear cleaning the cuts and bruises Anna had, it pained her too much to see Anna like this. When Mrs. Hughes cleaned the scratch on Anna's stomach, Anna sucked in and retched, but nothing came out. Mrs. Hughes put her hand under Anna's chin and lifted Anna's head. Anna had to look Mrs. Hughes dead in the eyes.

"It's okay, Anna. You're safe now. No one can hurt you."

Anna nodded, still sobbing, her hair, almost all out of its bun from when Mr. Green pulled her by her hair, getting in the way. When Mrs. Hughes was done, she got the extra clothes from one of her chairs and brought them to Anna.

"Now, can you stand up so we can put these on you?" Mrs. Hughes asked.

Anna nodded and stood up. Mrs. Hughes helped Anna into the underthings first, careful not to hurt her bruises, then her dress.

"Now, let's get your hair fixed up."

Mrs. Hughes, rather quickly and quietly, somehow got Anna's hair brushed and put back into it's bun.

"Anna…who did this to you?"

"Mr**.**…" Anna choked back sobs, "G-Green."

Anna could barely say the words, she was shaking so badly. Mrs. Hughes looked at Anna with sympathetic eyes. Anna could barely look at Mrs. Hughes, and when she did, she almost broke down into sobs.

"Go home, Anna. You need your rest. I'll tell Lady Mary you had a headache and left early."

"Th-thank you, Mrs. Hughes." Anna said, the words barely coming out.

Anna left and Mrs. Hughes sat in one of her chairs, choking back a sob. She had always had a special fondness of Anna ever since Anna arrived at Downton. _Why did this have to happen to her? _Mrs. Hughes thought._ A young woman who has worked hard for her place in this world, her happiness, and her husband. This should not have happened. Mr. Green. That evil, wicked man who thought he could do that to her, to hurt her so badly._

Once Anna got back to the cottage, she went into the kitchen to boil the kettle to fill the tub in the washroom with water to bathe, not turning any lights on. Once Anna filled the tub to where she wanted, she undressed, hanging the discarded clothes over a chair, let her hair down, and eased her way into the tub. She scrubbed herself until her skin was raw, but it didn't matter to her. _I'll never be clean. Who wants a woman who is dirtied, soiled? _Several minutes later, Anna still in the tub, Mr. Bates came home.

"Anna?"

There was no reply.

"Anna, love, where are you?"

Anna didn't say a word as she heard him search the parlor, kitchen, and living room. When she heard him come upstairs, she froze. She heard him stop in front of the washroom and try to turn the handle, but she had locked it when she came in.

"Anna, love, is everything okay?"

There was no reply.

"Anna, what's wrong? I'm sorry I yelled at you earlier, if that's what it is."

"There's nothing to be sorry for. I just needed a soak. I'll be out in a minute."

She could hear Mr. Bates sigh and leave to go to their bedroom to do his nightly rituals. She waited until he was in bed for her to get out of the tub. She toweled herself dry, stepping into her nightdress, as it didn't hurt her ribs as much as pulling it over her head. She went into the bedroom to find Mr. Bates on his side of the bed, sleeping. She went on her side and squashed herself on the edge of the bed, thinking of herself to be undeserving to even share a bed with him. She realized that Mr. Bates wasn't asleep because he wasn't snoring. Anna tried to go to sleep, though it was a struggle. Mr. Bates could hear Anna shuffling in the bed to try to go to sleep. A few minutes later, he felt Anna flailing and nearly knocking the sheets off the bed. He shot up and turned to look at Anna.

"Anna, what's wrong?"

Anna sat up, her long braid was coming undone and her face was wet with tears. Mr. Bates could see the places where Mr. Green had hit her, but Mr. Bates didn't know that Mr. Green raped Anna and gave her the bruises. He tried to reach out to her, but she flinched. Anna went back to sobbing into her pillow. _I have to know what's wrong with her,_ he thought. _I have to know what happened._ Mr. Bates went to sleep with that thought in his head all night.

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**I hope to post weekly, if not every other week. Obviously, this will be a multi-chapter fic. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you for the reviews! This is my second chapter. I hope to post more next week since I have a week off from school. I had forgotten to add a disclaimer last chapter, so I'm adding one now.  
**

**Disclaimer: The usual, characters aren't mine, etc.**

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**Chapter 2**

The next morning, Anna walked to the main house by herself to finish polishing Mary's shoes' leaving Mr. Bates to walk by himself. When Mr. Bates got to the main house, he found Anna in the boot room.

"Why didn't you wait for me?"

Anna didn't look at him while she was finishing the shoes.

"I wanted to finish these before breakfast."

"Is it something I've done?"

Anna didn't look at him while she was leaving.

"No, not anything. Nobody's done anything."

When Anna got to the servants' hall, she slowly walked in, to find the only empty chairs were either across or to the left of Mr. Green. She could either sit next to him and not look at him, or across from him, having to look at him. Looking at her options, she chose the first one. Of course, Thomas had to make a remark on the marks and bruises on her face.

"Blimey! What happened to you?"

"Leave her alone." Mrs. Hughes quickly defended her.

"I fell. I cut my lip." Anna lied.

Mr. Green just glanced at Thomas. He moved his leg closer to Anna's and touched her thigh under the table so no one could see her. She flinched and held back the tears. Mrs. Hughes noticed. When Mr. Bates came in, Anna got up without eating a thing. She didn't think she even deserved to sit at the same table as her husband.

"I better go up."

"But Lady Mary hasn't rung yet."

"I've things to do."

Anna left, leaving Mr. Bates confused and worried.

That evening, Anna was doing Mary's hair, getting her ready for dinner. Mary was the only one doing the talking. She was telling Anna about the trip they were going to make to London.

"Anyway, when we get to London, would you mind helping Lady Rose? We can't get Madge off Lady Edith."

Anna only nodded her head. Mary could tell something was wrong, she just didn't know what.

"Anna, are you alright?"

"Yes." Anna answered in a whispered voice.

"Only you've been very quiet."

Anna finished with Mary's hair and got her clothes from that afternoon to take to wash.

"Will that be all, m'lady?"

"Yes, I suppose so."

"Very good, m'lady."

Anna left, leaving Mary concerned and worried about her.

The next afternoon, Anna went to Mrs. Hughes's office. She knocked on the door and entered.

"What is it?" Mrs. Hughes asked as she walked in.

Anna had already told Mrs. Hughes of her trip to London earlier that day. She looked at her hands and fiddled with her wedding ring.

"When I get back from London, I want to move back upstairs."

"What? Why?"

"Because I can't…"

Anna's voice was trembling. She started to cry.

"But what happened was not his fault."

"Of course it isn't. That's why. I'm not good enough for him."

"Why would you say that?"

"Because I think that somehow," she sniffled, "I must've made it happen."

"You were attacked by an evil, violent man. There is no sin in that."

"But I feel dirty! I can't let him touch me because I'm soiled!"

"Anna, I've been thinking. What will you do if you're…with child?"

Anna looked at Mrs. Hughes dead in the eyes.

"I'll kill myself."

"Don't say that! No man should be able to do what he did to you and get away with it!"

"But if Mr. Bates finds out, he'll kill him and he'll surely be hanged!"

"But the poor man's heart is breaking for not knowing."

"Better a broken heart than a broken neck."

Mrs. Hughes just stared at Anna. She couldn't believe Anna just said that. There was a moment of silence before Anna spoke again.

"So can I have a room, please?" Anna not so much as asked as said it.

"You can. You must wait until there's some reason to give Mr. Bates, but I'd wish you decide that honesty is the best policy. In the meanwhile, try to take a break from it, when you're in London."

Anna looked at Mrs. Hughes like all hope was lost. Mrs. Hughes noticed that the glimmer that once was in Anna's eyes, the eyes of a once young and hopeful young woman, who could brighten any room, who helped any and everybody, even though she never helped herself, who always put other people's needs before hers, who fought hard for her husband's life and innocence, was gone.

"There can be no break from it."

Anna left Mrs. Hughes's office. _What did the poor girl do to deserve this?_ Mrs. Hughes thought. _She fought long and hard for her happiness, just to have it stripped away from her in a matter of minutes._

The next two weeks were horrible for Mr. Bates and Anna. Mr. Bates couldn't so much as hold his hand out to Anna than she would flinch and retreat. Anna had nausea frequently, causing her not to be able to eat the food Mrs. Patmore usually prepared at the servants' mealtimes. Mrs. Patmore would make 'special' meals for Anna, usually consisting of soup and crackers, since Mrs. Patmore also had a fondness since she accompanied her when Mrs. Patmore went to the cataract doctor all those years ago. Some of Anna's bruises and pains still refused to go away, especially the large bruise on her left rib. She went to Dr. Clarkson to have the bruises and sudden nausea looked at, and got the most horrible news: she was pregnant. She forced herself to smile through it, though when she got back to the main house, she locked herself in her old room and cried until the tears wouldn't fall anymore. When she didn't come downstairs for dinner, Mrs. Hughes went to check on her. When she got to Anna's old room, she tried to turn the handle, but realized Anna had locked it. She unlocked the door and found Anna curled into a ball, hugging her legs and her head buried in her knees.

"Anna, what's wrong?" the housekeeper asked.

"I don't know what to do." Anna said through her tears.

"Don't know what to do about what?"

Anna uncurled herself and sat up straight. She put one hand on her stomach and her face grimaced. Mrs. Hughes widened her eyes as she realized what Anna meant. She went to the younger woman and sat down next to her on the bed, putting one arm around her.

"Mr. Bates will know it's not his child. I can't trick him."

"Anna, I'd wish you'd tell Mr. Bates-"

"No!" Anna said, shaking her head.

"But he'll find out sooner or later."

Anna knew Mrs. Hughes was right. She was sobbing even harder, burying her head in the crook of Mrs. Hughes neck. Mrs. Hughes wrapped her other arm around Anna.

"I can't go on, Mrs. Hughes. Not knowing that...he's the father of my child."

"Yes, you can. The pain of you gone would break Mr. Bates' heart even more."

Anna lifted her head to look up at Mrs. Hughes and moved away from her.

"But what am I supposed to do?"

"I don't know. Only that you must stay and fight through it. For Mr. Bates and the baby."

Little did they know that Mr. Bates had followed Mrs. Hughes to Anna's old room, and heard the whole conversation from the other side of the door.

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**Bear with me now! It gets better, I promise! :)  
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	3. Chapter 3

**Two chapters in a day! Mr. Bates knows about Anna. Knowing him, he'll never hurt her, right?  
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**Chapter 3**

He was confused. He was hurt. He didn't know what to think. He made a mental note of the changes of Anna since the night of the concert. _She had bruises on her face. She wouldn't let me touch her, even just on the shoulder. She never wants to be in the same room as me. I just found out she was pregnant, and she was crying. But who…no! It couldn't be! But then again, he did flirt with her and act nicer to her than anyone else. Oh, I should've known! I'm going to kill Mr. Green! But why wouldn't she tell me? Was she afraid I would hurt her? I would never! I have to find out the truth. I need to know exactly what happened._

Three days later, Anna moved back into the main house. Cora's former lady's maid left due to family troubles. Anna thought that if she were to 'perform her duties properly' that she should move back into Downton. That same day, Anna went into a town called Ripon to get things for Mary. She had told Mr. Bates about the trip, but not Mrs. Hughes. While Anna was away, Mr. Bates went into Mrs. Hughes' office.

"It's good of you to let me disturb your afternoon." He said as he made his way into the room.

Mrs. Hughes was sitting in her chair and motioned for Mr. Bates to sit in the one across from her. He sat down, putting his cane leaning on the side of the chair. _This is it. Time to find out what happened to my Anna._

"You see, I have to figure out what's troubling me, and I know you can help me."

"I don't know about that."

"I know you can. You know what this is about and you believe she should've told me."

"Well, I admit, I think she should have. But it is not for me to."

"Then I can't stay here."

"What? Why?"

"I have been very happy in this house. Happier than I had any right to be. I met and married the most beautiful woman, and now she no longer loves me. The sight of me is torture for her which is torture for me. If you will not let me hear the truth, I will hand in my resignation now and be gone before she gets back."

Mrs. Hughes just sat there in silence. She didn't know what to do. If she didn't tell him, he would leave and Anna would be miserable for the rest of her life, left to raise a child by herself. If she tells him, she'll lose Anna's trust. She chose the latter option. If she lost Anna's trust, it was better than losing her husband.

"Alright. I'll tell you. And if I'm doing the wrong thing, then I ask for the mercy of God. Prepare yourself, Mr. Bates."

"I think I can manage."

"There. That's all of it."

"You never said…when it happened."

"Haven't I?"

"Was it the last night of the house party? When she told me she fainted…and hit her head?"

"Yes."

"Then I know who really did it."

"I told you who did it."

"But I don't believe you. I know it was Lord Gillingham's valet. He teased her and flirted with her from the moment he arrived."

"It wasn't him. I don't believe he ever left the concert. It was a stranger. It was no one who was staying in the house."

"Do you swear it?"

"Why on earth should I swear?"

"You must swear, on everything you treasure. Will you?"

"Alright. I'll swear, if it makes you feel better."

"On your mother's life?"

"My mother is dead."

"On her grave then."

"I've said I swear!"

"Because I will find out who did this to Anna."

"You're welcome to try, but I don't know what you've got to go on."

Mr. Bates sighed and put one hand on his head in agony.

"I'll leave you now, Mrs. Hughes."

"You don't have to. You can stay as long as you want to. You've had a shock."

"No. I better leave you. It's nothing compared to what Anna's had to go through."

Mr. Bates picked up his cane and left. He closed the door, leaned his head on the side of the wall, and cried.

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Later that evening, Mr. Bates found Anna in the boot room, polishing one of Mary's shoes. He walked over to her and stood next to her. She looked up at him for a brief moment and returned to polishing the shoe.

"Aren't you going to finish that? It's nearly midnight."

"Someone's got to do it."

"But it doesn't have to be you all the time."

Anna ignored him and returned to polishing the shoe. He put his hand over Anna's and removed the shoe and brush from Anna's hands.

"Anna…I know."

She looked at him and quivered her lip, misty-eyed.

"I know…what happened. Mrs. Hughes told me, I forced her to."

"Then she was very wrong."

She rose from her chair.

"It wasn't her secret to tell!"

"I gave her no choice, Anna."

Anna looked at him and started crying.

"What did she tell you?"

"She told me…how it happened, when it happened. I asked her if it Green did it. She said it wasn't him."

"No, it wasn't him."

"Because if it was him…he is a dead man."

"He didn't do it! Would I have sat next to him at breakfast the next morning if he did it? We can't know who the man was. We've no way of tracing him."

"Anna, why wouldn't you tell me? Especially since you're pregnant with…his child."

"Because I knew the suffering it would bring you."

"But I would've known sooner or later. Anna, you're pregnant. You can't hide that."

"Well, now it's in the open. No more secrets. I'm glad of that at least. No more fear of being found out because I am found out, and soon everyone will know. My shame has no place to hide."

"Why do you talk of shame? I don't agree that there is shame in this."

"But I am spoiled for you, and I can never be unspoiled." She said, shaking her head.

Mr. Bates supped his hands on Anna's face. She let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. He wiped a tear from Anna's face.

"My darling, you are not spoiled. You are made higher to me, and holier because of the pain and suffering you've been put through. You are my wife, and I have never been prouder, nor loved you more than I love you now at this moment."

"Truly?"

"Truly."

Anna sniffled three times, and on the third sniffle, she put herself in Mr. Bates's embrace. He held her, one hand on her lower back, and one hand rubbing her upper and middle back. Anna was crying even harder this time. She released herself from his embrace and held both his hands.

"Do you still love me?"

"Of course."

"Even though…"

"Even though you're carrying…his child?"

Anna nodded her head.

"Of course, darling. You didn't ask for any of this to happen. You never would've known."

"Will you…love this child? Even though it isn't yours?"

"Of course I will. I love you, and I will love your child."

"Thank you."

"Because I love you, Anna May Bates. I'll love you until the seasons stop changing, until the the sun stops shining, until Thomas stops scheming."

"I love you too."

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**Aww, he loves her even more! He still knows Green did it. But right now, he's focused on supporting Anna. Until the next chapter...  
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	4. Chapter 4

**I'm baa-aack! I've had so much time today. I was basically typing all day. Mary appears more in this story. Hope to post more soon!  
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**Disclaimer: same as usual...**

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**Chapter 4**

Anna was in Mary's room setting her clothes on the top of the armchair. Mary had gotten a letter and was telling Anna about it two days after Mr. Bates and Anna had reconciled. Mary had not yet known about the rape at this time. Anna had partially resolved the problem with Mr. Bates, but since Anna was pregnant, she still kept to herself.

"Oh, this is nice. Mr. Napier and Mr. Blake are coming up for a few days. He asks if I'm serious about them staying here. They're writing a report on why estates like this are going wrong."

Mary noticed the long silence that passed before she spoke again.

"Anna?"

"Yes?"

"I'd wish you'd tell me what the matter is."

"Nothing's the matter, m'lady. Honestly."

Mary knew better than that. When a person said 'honestly', they were lying. She noticed Anna still had her bruises, though Anna did her best to cover them up, she could still notice. Anna's eyes were also sunken with dark circles under them. That did not escape anyone.

"Will that be all, m'lady?" Anna asked after what felt like hours.

"I suppose so."

Anna left the room. _I have to know what's gone wrong with her,_ Mary thought.

Later that evening, during the servants' dinner, while the second footman, Jimmy, and the kitchen maid, Ivy, were talking about going to the pictures, Anna had an idea. She turned to face Mr. Bates.

"Let us go for a date. We can leave when we've dressed them and be back in time to dress them for bed. Lady Mary wouldn't mind." Anna suggested.

"It's been a long time since we went out to dine. Too long."

"I quite agree."

After Anna and Mr. Bates had gone home to their cottage, Mr. Bates was lighting a lamp at the table in their dining room. Anna walked to the table and stood there.

"I'll arrange something tomorrow. Book somewhere special." Anna told him.

"If you'd like."

Anna sat down after he spoke.

"I know it can't be the same as it used to be. I don't deceive myself about that. But I want to make some new memories, good memories, so it's not as if all our happiness was before."

"I am happy whenever I look at you." Mr. Bates said as he sat down.

"But you're not, are you?" Anna said as she started to cry.

"Everything is shadowed. Every moment we share is shadowed." She said in a trembling voice.

"You're right," Mr. Bates agreed, "let's have one evening where we leave it all behind, when we don't think about it."

Anna put her hand on the table and grabbed Mr. Bates's hand. She let out a breath.

"Thank you."

The next evening, Anna was dressing Mary for dinner. She had just told Mary that she and Mr. Bates were dining at the Netherby, a fancy hotel.

"You're dining at the Netherby?" Mary asked excitedly.

"Yes." Anna said quietly.

Anna was still drawn back. She finished dressing Mary and was about to open the door to leave until Mary called to her.

"Oh, and Anna?"

"Yes, m'lady?"

"Don't rush back. It wouldn't kill me to put myself to bed."

"Yes, m'lady."

Anna looked at the floor and left the room.

"I should've paid, it was my idea." Anna said when she and Mr. Bates were done eating at the restaurant.

"I was glad to come. Did you enjoy it? I did. It has been a night away from the shadows. Here's to us."

Mr. Bates raise his glass, but all Anna did was look at her lap and put one hand on her stomach.

"I'm sorry. I was a fool to think we could leave it behind."

"Don't be sorry. I'm sorry. But you see, every time I remember what you've been through…what you're going through…I want to murder."

"But I'm not a victim. That's not who I am, and that's not what I want my child to think of me. The worst part is that you see me as a victim."

"No, my darling, I see you as a woman I should've protected. I'm the failure here, not you."

Cries and screams could be heard in the cottage that night. It woke Mr. Bates up. The first thing he saw was Anna next to him squirming and screaming, kicking the sheets off the bed. Mr. Bates shot up, not wanting to touch her in case she'd flinch or cry more. All he could do was be there.

"Anna, calm down! Anna! Nobody can hurt you! It's just me!"

All that came out of her mouth was 'No!', 'Stop!', and crying. She was moving oddly, like there were invisible hands holding her down.

"Anna! Anna! No one can hurt you!"

"He came back! He's going to hurt me!"

"No, he's not! I'm here! He can't hurt you!"

Anna calmed down only a little. She grabbed Mr. Bates's night shirt and started sobbing into his chest. He didn't want to touch her, as he was afraid she'd flinch or cry more. Anna opened her eyes and looked at Mr. Bates, surprisingly a lot calmer.

"I'm sorry to have woken you. I'll leave."

"No, darling, don't-"

He didn't even get to finish his sentence than she got up and went to the spare bedroom, wher she sat the rest of the night, and didn't sleep a wink, images and memories filling her head.

_Come on, Mrs. Bates, you know I'm better than that old cripple._

_You know you want this. Tell me you do._

_No one can hear your screams, so don't even try._

_Does that feel good? You know it does._

_I know you want this. You as good as asked for it._

_I hope you enjoyed it, Mrs. Bates. I sure have._

The thoughts kept coming back to Anna's head. She cried all night. _Maybe he's right,_ she thought. _I didn't encourage him, he knew I was married, but I didn't discourage him either. Maybe I did as good as ask for it, and now I'm suffering for my actions. I knew it was too good to be true._

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**Don't worry the story will get much happier! I just had to add a little bit of memories from what happened. As always, reviews are greatly appreciated! Have a great day!**


	5. Chapter 5

**I just LOVE having all this time to update this story! Usual disclaimer.**

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**Chapter 5**

Two days later, Robert, unknowing of Anna's rape, let alone pregnancy, got a telegram from Cora's mother that he was needed in America to help Cora's brother, who was involved in a newspaper scandal. As Robert's valet, that meant Mr. Bates had to go with him. He told Mrs. Hughes that he had to stay to support Anna, so Mrs. Hughes, reluctantly, told Mary of Anna's rape, but not that she was pregnant, so that Mary could persuade Robert to take Thomas, the under butler, instead. Mary persuaded Robert and told Mrs. Hughes, who then told Anna. The evening Robert left, Anna was in Mary's room, tidying her clothes.

"How was dinner?" Anna asked.

"Uphill. I'm tired of Mr. Blake's cold shoulder."

Anna stood there for a moment in silence. _This is it,_ she thought. _Time to tell her I know._

"M'lady, I…I heard you persuaded his lordship to let Mr. Bates stay here, and I am so very grateful."

"Then…you know Mrs. Hughes asked me to intervene, and told me why." Mary said as she turned to face Anna.

"Yes, so she said."

"We still can't find out who the man was?"

"He was a stranger, a robber. After…afterword, he just ran off."

"But if you described him."

"M'lady, I don't mind your knowing. I'm actually glad in a way that there's honesty between us again, but I can't talk about it."

"Not even to me? Because I want to help. You've helped me, God knows, in the past, and now I want to help you."

"I can't talk about it, m'lady. Not even to you."

There was silence for some time until Mary broke it. She stood up and took Anna's hands.

"Anna, are you…"

Mary didn't have to say the words for Anna to know what she was talking about. Anna looked at her hands, which were covered by Mary's.

"Yes." Anna said, her eyes filled with tears.

"Oh my God! And I suppose the father…"

Anna was looking at the floor, crying, nodding her head. Mary was shocked.

"Oh, Anna!"

She wrapped her arms around Anna, who was sobbing at that point. Anna put her arms around her in return. They stood like that for some time, Mary thinking why such a thing like that would happen to the sweetest, kindest, most caring person under Downton's roof.

"I suppose you'll need a new lady's maid before long." Anna said after what seemed like hours, pulling away from Mary.

"No. I'll let you take a few months off, then I will let your child spend the day in the nursery with Sybbie and George. I don't care what the family will say, and I won't let Nanny say anything bad about the child either. I will let the child visit you during the servants' luncheon and at tea time, but you must fight through this, Anna. For you and the baby."

"I don't know if I can, m'lady." Anna said as she put her hand on her stomach, seen by Mary.

"Yes, you can. Isn't it you who said I was strong when you helped me after Mathew's death? Well, now it's your turn to be strong. And I will speak to Mama about letting your child live in the nursery."

"You're sure her ladyship won't mind the child in the nursery?"

"Of course. It's you we're talking about."

"M'lady, I am ever so grateful."

"It's no bother, Anna, really. This is my way of returning the many favors you've done me."

Anna half-smiled at Mary, who smiled back.

"Goodnight, Anna. I hope you find the strength to fight through this."

"I hope so too, m'lady."

Anna left Mary's room. _Poor Anna_, Mary thought, _of all the people for this to happen to have happened to. And to be pregnant with that kind of child. What did she do to deserve this?_

Six months later, and Anna couldn't avoid her swelling stomach, no matter how hard she tried. Mr. Bates said everyday that it made her more beautiful, even though Anna had to loosen the seams on all of her uniforms, and couldn't wear corsets anymore until she was back to normal. Even Mary was concerned about how much harder it would be to climb the monstrous amount of stairs she had to climb to dress Mary everyday, but she could manage with some help, which was usually Mr. Bates or Miss Baxter. Anna, with help from Mr. Bates and Mary, had started becoming more happy and cheerful towards everyone.

"Ugh, I can't wait until I can start wearing normal clothes again," she told Mr. Bates one morning at the cottage as she looked at herself in the mirror.

"My darling, it only makes you more beautiful." Mr. Bates disagreed.

"You do know I'm only going to get bigger," she said, putting one hand on her stomach and one on her hip.

"Yes, I do. I will still love you, no matter what. You are still my wife, and I have never loved you more."

"You cheeky beggar." Anna chuckled.

"Don't I know it?" Mr. Bates said, moving in for a kiss.

Anna returned it, putting both hands around the back of his neck. He moved his hands to the middle of her stomach, where it swelled the most. They broke the kiss a few moments later.

"That's enough of that, Mr. Bates. We've work to do." Anna chuckled as she went downstairs to leave to go to the main house.

When they got there for breakfast, everyone made sure not to run into Anna or get in her way. She went to sit in her usual spot, with help from Mr. Bates.

"Okay," Mr. Bates said, helping Anna into her chair, "here we go."

"Mr. Bates, I'm not a toddler." Anna chuckled, with snickers from the other staff.

"Well, sorry a husband is looking after his pregnant wife, "he joked, talking just so she could hear him.

Anna smiled at him and laughed. Mrs. Hughes noticed them and smiled, unseen, at Anna. She was glad the younger woman was finally happy.

"How are you feeling, Anna?" Mary asked as Anna walked in to dress her for dinner.

"I'm fine, m'lady."

"So, how is everyone treating you downstairs? I hope they haven't been rude."

"They haven't. They're nice about it, actually. They keep urging me to rest more, but I tell them I'm fine."

"I'm afraid I agree with them, Anna. Anyway, have you and Bates been betting what the gender will be?"

"I said it will be a boy."

"I think it will be a girl." Mary predicted.

The next morning, the servants were eating breakfast when Mary ran for Anna.

"Well, I better get a move on." Anna said as she got out of her chair with help from Mr. Bates.

"Oh no, you don't," Mrs. Hughes said as she got out of her chair, "I'll do Lady Mary this morning. You rest."

"No. I'll do it, Mrs. Hughes."

"Well then, let's just see who gets there first, shall we?"

"Now that's not fair!" Anna joked, "I am perfectly capable of doing it, Mrs. Hughes."

"Mrs. Hughes is right, Anna. You need to sit and rest." Mr. Bates ordered.

"I'm pregnant, not helpless! I can do it."

"Very well, you win, seeing as how if someone doesn't go, Lady Mary will get impatient." Mrs. Hughes surrendered.

"Thank you,"Anna said triumphantly as she grabbed Mary's breakfast tray, "never argue with a pregnant woman, you'll always lose."

Miss Baxter got up and helped Anna up the stairs, seeing as how Anna had a hard time walking regularly on flat surfaces, let alone stairs. Anna was breathing heavily by the time they both got to the top of the stairs.

"Thank you, Miss Baxter." Anna said.

"No problem." Miss Baxter replied as she walked back down the stairs.

* * *

**I know this isn't the cleanest of breaks, but from where it would've ended, this was the best I had without making this chapter unusually long.**


	6. Chapter 6

**This is my longest chapter so far, and you'll see why later in the chapter. Usual disclaimer...  
**

* * *

**Chapter 6**

The servants rushed out into the hallway. They had heard a thud, a cry of pain, and a clatter of shoes. It had been a week since Anna's conversation with Mary. Mrs. Hughes rushed into the boot room and found Anna lying next to the table, one hand holding the edge of it, the other one holding her stomach. Her face grimaced and she was breathing heavily. Mrs. Hughes made sure no one went into the boot room but her and Mr. Bates.

"Oh my God! Anna, what happened?" Mrs. Hughes asked.

"I was cleaning Lady Mary's shoes and I lost my footing and fell," she said through her gasps of breath.

"Let's get you up."

Mrs. Hughes and Mr. bates took either of Anna's hands and helped her up.

"Here, lean on me." Mr. bates said.

Anna leaned on him and cried out in pain. She had injured her right ankle, and it hurt to walk on.

"I-I can't…" Anna said, breathing heavily.

"She can't walk on her right foot." Mr. bates observed.

"Here, Anna, let me carry you."

"But-"

"I'll be fine. It's you I'm worried about."

Mr. Bates put his arms under Anna and carried her to the servants' hall, being watched by the rest of the servants. Mr. Bates set Anna in a chair and propped her right foot up on a chair whilst Cora and Mary rang to be dressed for luncheon.

"I'll tell Lady Mary that Anna fell and hit her foot." Miss Baxter said as she was leaving to dress Cora.

"I'll dress Lady Mary for you, Anna." Mrs. Hughes said as she put a cup of tea in front of Anna.

"Thank you, Mrs. Hughes."

"Anna, we need to call for Dr. Clarkson." Mr. bates suggested.

"No, I'm alright."

"Anna, you sprained and can't walk on your right foot. We need to call Dr. Clarkson."

"Alright, fine. I give in."

When Dr. Clarkson was called and came, Anna, Mr. Bates, Mrs. Hughes, and himself had to move to Mrs. Hughes's office, where it would be more private. Dr. Clarkson checked Anna's ankle and also examined her, as she had fallen, and he wanted to make sure she and her unborn child were still okay.

"Well, everything is normal, the baby is perfectly healthy, and I would suggest you rest for a few days, until your foot is better." Dr. Clarkson told Anna.

"Thank you, Dr. Clarkson." Mrs. Hughes said.

Dr. Clarkson opened the door slightly and squeezed through the opening and shut the door behind him. Mr. bates and Mrs. Hughes helped Anna reclothe herself.

"You need to go home, Anna, and rest." Mrs. Hughes told Anna when she and Mr. Bates were done.

Mr. Carson and Mary let Mr. Bates help Anna back to the cottage. When they got there, Mr. Bates laid Anna down on their bed.

"There. Anything I can get you, my darling?" Mr. Bates asked.

"Not really. Could you just help me into my nightdress?"

"Of course."

Mr. Bates helped Anna out of the bed and helped her change into her nightdress and laid her back onto the bed.

"Thank you."

"Anything for you, my darling. Now, you rest, and I'll be back soon. I'll ask Mrs. Hughes to check on you while I'm gone."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

Mr. Bates kissed the top of Anna's forehead and took one of hands and kissed her knuckles. He left and Anna drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Eight months in, and Anna's stomach only got bigger. She was greatly supported by everyone, and much to her surprise, Cora was delighted by the idea of Anna's child in the nursery. Some nights, in the servants' hall, when everyone else had gone to bed for the night, Anna would sit in between Mr. Bates's legs in a chair and he would massage her shoulders and back. Other nights, Anna would sit in a chair next to him and he would prop her feet up on his good leg, one at a time, and massage her swollen ankles. Mrs. Hughes would catch them every now and then, but let it slide, considering no one else was in the room.

One evening, Anna was getting ready for bed. Mr. Bates was already in bed, waiting for her. Anna was brushing her hair, letting her blonde hair fall just longer than her middle back.

"Anna, darling, come to bed." Mr. Bates ordered sweetly.

"Alright." Anna sighed.

Anna put her hair into her usual nighttime braid and climbed into bed next to Mr. Bates. She rested her head on his chest and put one hand next to her face. Mr. Bates let one of his hands tuck a few loose strands of Anna's hair behind her ear and the other hand rest on her swollen stomach.

"I have never seen a sight more beautiful than what I am seeing right now."

"I'm not beautiful. I'm the size of a whale and my hair is a mess." Anna chuckled.

"No, you are the loveliest human being I have ever laid eyes on. You have given me something to live for. What's the matter, my darling?" Mr. Bates asked when he noticed Anna starting to cry.

"It's just…I wanted this baby to be ours, not…"

She couldn't bring it upon herself to finish the sentence. She was sobbing into her husband's night shirt. Mr. Bates put his arms around her.

"Oh, my darling. That doesn't matter to me. It wasn't your fault. You didn't ask for any of this to happen."

"But-"

"Anna, it's okay."

Anna seemed to calm down a bit.

"I still love you."

Anna looked up at Mr. Bates and he looked down at Anna. They smiled at each other before they went in for a kiss. Anna put her hands around the back of his neck, and he cupped his hands on her face. After a few moments, they pulled away from the kiss.

"Does that prove it?" Mr. Bates asked, smiling at Anna, who smiled back.

* * *

Two days later, Mary rung for Anna in the nursery.

"Yes, m'lady?"

"Anna! Tom and I were just talking about what Sybbie just said. It was about you."

"Oh?"

"Come on, darling. Say what you told us about Anna." Tom said.

"Anna sad. I don't like when Anna sad. I want Anna happy."

"Oh, Sybbie, Anna's not sad. Anna has lots of things going on." Anna assured her.

"But why Anna quiet and shy all da time?"

Anna couldn't answer her question. She started crying.

"Now Anna sad again."

"I'm sorry, Sybbie. I'll try not to be sad."

"Yay!"

Anna chuckled. She suddenly let out a cry of pain. She put one hand on her stomach.

"Oh my God!" We need to get Anna to one of the guest bedrooms!" Mary exclaimed.

"Anna's in labor!"

"What? But you still have a month!" Tom informed.

"Apparently not." Anna said through violent bursts of breath.

"Tom! Call for Dr. Clarkson!" Mary ordered.

Tom left and Mary helped Anna to one of the guest bedrooms Cora and Mary agreed for when the time came for Anna to have the child. Tom came back, looking in each room until he found them, followed by Cora, Edith, and Rose.

"I called for Dr. Clarkson." Tom said.

"Thank you, tom." Mary said whilst Anna let out another cry of pain followed by heavy breathing.

"What about Mr. Bates?' Anna asked weakly.

"I'll get him." Tom said.

Tom left the room to get Mr. Bates. He came back after two minutes, followed by Mr. Bates. He limped to Anna and held her hand. He kissed Anna's forehead and she smiled before another contraction came over her.

"Oh, my darling, if I'd known sooner, I would've been here sooner."

"Well, you're here now, and that's all that matters to me."

Ten minutes later, Dr. Clarkson entered the room, followed by a midwife.

"Ah, hello, Dr. Clarkson." Tom greeted.

"Mr. Branson. I came as fast as I could." Dr. Clarkson replied whilst Anna had another contraction.

Mr. Bates was allowed a few minutes with his wife before the men were banned from the room. Tom tried to keep Mr. Bates busy with card games in the library, but as the minutes turned into hours, Anna's labor lasting through the night, Mr. Bates found it harder to concentrate.

* * *

"You're doing so well, Anna." Mary assured her.

Mary, Cora, and Edith had stayed up all night looking after Anna while she was in labor. Rose had gone to bed a few hours before.

"Do you really think so, m'lady?"

"I know so."

Another contraction came not long after the words escaped Anna's mouth, Mary holding her hand. Dr. Clarkson came over to Anna and knew it was time for the baby to be born. He got Anna ready, Edith and Mary on either side of her to hold her hands. The midwife was getting ready for the child's arrival. When Anna was ready, she was.

"Okay Mrs. Bates, when the feeling come, I'm going to need you to push for me. Can you do that?" Dr. Clarkson asked her.

"Yes." Anna answered exasperatedly.

She let out a long cry of pain, squeezing Mary and Edith's hands.

"You're doing so well, Mrs. Bates. I can see a head," the midwife said.

Anna let out another cry of pain, followed by heavy breathing. She was sweating very heavily.

"Just one more push, Mrs. Bates, and the baby will be here!"

"I…I can't." Anna said through her heavy breathing.

"Yes you can, Anna. Just one more push." Edith said.

Anna let out another long cry of pain, followed by the cry of a baby and heavy breathing coming from herself. Cora, Mary, and Edith exclaimed happily.

"Oh, Anna! You did so well!" Cora exclaimed.

"Mrs. Bates will be weak now, but she should be fine soon enough." Dr. Clarkson told the women.

"What's the gender of the baby?" Edith asked.

"It's a girl, Miss Crawley."

"Oh, Anna! A girl!" Mary exclaimed.

"Will someone go down and get Bates?" Cora asked.

"I'll go." Edith volunteered.

"Congratulations, Anna," she said as she made her way to the library.

* * *

"I'm sure she's doing fine, Bates." Tom tried to assure him.

Mr. Bates was pacing the floor of the library, his hands in his hair. One minute later, Edith entered the library, getting the attention of the men.

"You can come up! It's a girl!" Edith exclaimed.

Mr. Bates rushed back into the room where Anna, sweating heavily, and the other women and Dr. Clarkson were.

"Oh, Anna, I'm so proud of you! You did so well!"

"I hope so."

"I know so."

"Do you have an idea for a name, Anna?" Edith asked.

"Yes, m'lady. Mr. Bates and I talked about it, and we liked Mary Elizabeth."

"I think that's a lovely name."

"Thank you, m'lady."

Mr. Bates took Anna's hand and everyone admired the baby for a few minutes. Mr. Bates noticed Anna getting sleepy after twenty minutes.

"Now I just want to sleep, really." Anna said.

"Of course, my darling. You've earned it."

"We'll leave you now, Anna." Cora said, followed by Edith, Mary, Dr. Clarkson, Tom, and Mr. Bates.

Anna grabbed Mary's wrist when she was about to leave.

"Will you stay, m'lady?"

"Of course I will, Anna. Anything for you."

Mary sat on the edge of the bed, still holding Anna's hand.

"Thank you."

For a few minutes, they just sat there in silence until Mary spoke up.

"How are you feeling?"

"Exhausted."

"Then I'll let you rest. You've had a long day."

Mary didn't even finish her sentence before Anna was already asleep. Mary smiled at her lady's maid, remembering all the times Anna had been by her side, and now it was her turn to return the favor.

* * *

**YAY! Anna had her baby! It was hard to write Sybbie's dialogue, as I have no idea how a three-year-old's words look like when typed.  
Until chapter 7...  
**


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